The Quest for God (or Gods)

In my quest for truth, I began following a suicide cult.
They accused me of stalking them.

I found Jesus, but then lost him again in a crowd.

I meditated until I gained enlightenment, but when I woke up I forgot it again.

The Scientologists and Satanists think I'm too fucked up to join, I can't be a Jedi unless I can figure out how to construct a light-sabre and I need to work-out more to be a follower of Odinism. 
The Wiccans are too flakey, the Rastafarians keep getting busted with pot and the Jews and Muslims are too damn touchy.

Even atheism is an 'ism' and therefore a belief, thus rendering it a paradox.

What ever happened to religions that aren't fussy about who they accept?