Saturday, 12 May 2012

(10/08/12) - Bali Balling


Last night there was a party at my hostel and I cut out early to get my old person sleep.
At about 3am two other backpackers, a guy from Australia and a girl from Germany staggered back into the dorm, drunk as two horny sailors and got it on.
There was a huge amount of squeaking bed and grunting until they suddenly decided to check if they were alone.
They both looked over at me in my bunk and I just said: "Hi".
The girl screamed and the guy looked sort of amused. Then they walked stark naked past me into the manager's room.
10 minutes later and they were back out and off to their own bunks.
20 minutes later the manager went to bed and 20 seconds later roared: "WHAT THE FUCK?".
He burst out into the dorm and I did what I should have done from the start.
I pretended to be fast asleep.

Sunday, 6 November 2011

Destiny takes the wheel.

I returned from my 4 month trip driving my Land Rover around Oz on the 26th of October and two days later, on the 28th I went to work to beg for my (bus driver) job back.
After a bit of contrition and putting in one's place, mine & theirs respectively, I was told that I would be returning to work the following week.
In a relieved and relaxed mood, I exited the building only to bump into an old friend that I hadn't seen for over a year. He invited me for a pint of Guiness to celebrate my return from exile.

Several hours and many pints later, I was sitting in my car and looking at flashing lights in my rear-view mirror. After the usual horrors of being tested, arrested and officially molested, I was told to appear in court on the 23rd of December, after which I would not be driving shit.
I haven't told them at the bus depot and have been working every shift going.
I may as well earn what I can whilst I still have a license.

My options for 2012 are:
#1 - to sit through 7 or 8 months of driver's license suspension with almost no prospect of getting another job, or
#2 - fucking off overseas.

I am going with Option #2, run away.

Since I won't be needing my car for most of 2012, I am going to fix it up, sell it and use the money to go to South America, or perhapse South East Asia.

I shall NOT be put in my place, even when I am to blame. God Damn 'The MAN'!!!

Friday, 17 June 2011

STORY - The Coincidental Tourist

This is a true story. You may have heard it before:

In 1990 I was travelling through India with my sister. We had hooked up with two Australian teachers called Doug and Brett.

Doug told us of the mysterious disappearance of his brother who had gone missing after contracting malaria and being admitted to a hospital in Calcutta. The day after he was admitted, Doug went to see him and there was no record of him ever being there and no one remembered ever seeing him. This was about two months before we met Doug and neither he nor his parents had heard anything from him. He had disappeared without a trace and we agreed that it was, in fact, mysterious.

We travelled with Doug and Brett and the shadow that was over them for about three weeks, until we lost them after taking separate tuk-tuks from a railway station to a guest house in Udaipur at 3am.
We had asked to be taken to a hotel recommended in ‘The Bible’, the ever reliable ‘Lonely Planet Guide to India’ but got taken to a different, four room guest house, as often happens. We argued with the driver for 15 minutes who said that:

a) This IS the guest house we asked for and it just has a sign that is wrong.
b) The guest house that we wanted had burned down and his brother Sanjay owns this one, which is better and cheaper and better anyway.
c) I don’t speak English.

So we got back into the tuk-tuk and asked to be taken to another hotel which was not what we had asked for either and in fact turned out to be the back entrance to Sanjay’s guest house. By now it was 4:30am and my stoic resolve had been worn away, so we checked in with the tuk-tuk driver hovering and babbling at high speed to ensure his commission.
The next day we went to the hotel we had been trying to get to which of course had not burned down and was not worse or more expensive than the tuk-tuk driver’s brother Sanjay’s guest house. Doug and Brett were not there as they had apparently also been taken to the ‘wrong’ guest house.
We never saw them again.
About a month later we were in Kerala on the South West coast talking to a French couple and we told them the story of the mysterious disappearance of Doug’s brother in a hospital in Calcutta and they agreed that it was, in fact, mysterious.
We lost them on a train platform when they refused to pay for a meal and started a riot. We had been eating with them, so were becoming involved in their dispute in the eyes of the café owner and staff, all of whom suddenly could not speak English. During a break in the shouting, Caroline and I jumped onto a train leaving the station for somewhere else, which sounded like exactly where we wanted to be.
As the train pulled out, there were locals running after us.
We never saw the French couple again either.
We then spent another month in India, then two months in Egypt and then some more time in Greece, Italy and France before we finally arrived in Plymouth where my uncle Christopher lived.
We had been there for about fifteen minutes when the phone rang. It was Doug, who was staying with his aunt in Callington, which is a little village in Cornwall where we used to live.
Doug related the story of how he and Brett had been taken to the wrong guest house and when they asked their driver to take them to the correct one, they were told:

a) This IS the guest house that they had asked for and it just has a sign that is wrong.
b) The guest house that they wanted had burned down and his brother Sanjay owns this one, which is better and cheaper and better anyway.
c) He didn’t speak English.

They had been in the same four room guest house that we had been in, but because we had argued and been taken to the rear entrance, we had missed them being taken to the front entrance.
So about two months later, Doug had met a French couple in Sri Lanka who told them the story of the Australian brother & sister who they had met and had started a riot which had involved them in the eyes of the café owner and staff, all of whom suddenly could not speak English and then escaped on a train bound for somewhere else, which is where they had wished they were and of the mysterious disappearance of the brother and sister’s friend’s brother in a hospital in Calcutta. Doug agreed that it was, in fact, mysterious as well as strangely familiar.
Doug never saw them again, but his brother turned up on an ashram in Puna with a girl named Meena and a distain for materialism.

So about 10 years later I am sitting on a beach in Bali talking to some Australian guy called Jarrah. I said “ah, like the wood” and he said “no, like the TREE”.
I told him the story of the mysterious disappearance of Doug’s brother in a hospital in Calcutta and he agreed that it was, in fact, mysterious as well as strangely familiar.
About three years before meeting me, he had heard the story at a party at a little shack in the middle of no-where about 50km inland from Grafton.
He was sitting on a couch and there was another couch back-to-back with it. On the other couch there was a guy trying to get a girl to sleep with him and telling her a story about the mysterious disappearance of Doug’s brother in a hospital in Calcutta and she had agreed that it was, in fact, mysterious.
The guy on the other couch was me and the girl next to me did not end up sleeping with me.
Jarrah knew all the people that I knew although I had never met or heard of him and he had never met or heard of me. All of my friends knew him (ah yes, Jarrah, like the tree) and were amazed that I hadn’t met him, since it was his party and his shack.
I never saw 'Jarrah-like-the-tree' again.
 
This illustrates what many travellers know: When you are off in the middle of nowhere, you will encounter one co-incident after another.
 
Spooky, eh?

Thursday, 17 March 2011

(06/03/11) - Goodbye, Dark Horse.

Just sold 'The Dark Horse', my valiant black beast.
I gave her new spark-plugs, then went for one last ride without a helmet and I could hear her roar.
She thundered up the road one last time and it almost brought me to tears, but possessions are chains and need should not be indulged.
She never let me down and I will miss her, but we shall meet again in VALHALLA.

(03/11/10) - Dark Horse Down!

Last night I put vinyl cleaner on my motorbike seat and then a bit on the tyres. Apparently the stuff makes tyres totally lose grip. Dad says it’s like riding around on ones own personal skid-pan. That is the sort of information that it is good to have before setting off.
So this afternoon I left my parents’ house to ride to Hobart. Mum always worries when I make a long trip on a motorbike and even though it is only 2.5 hours, Mum & Dad worry the whole time until I telephone to say that I have made it alive.
It is hot and as I am getting ready to go, Mum asks me if I really need to wear the thick leather jacket when I’m on my bike. I make a flippant remark that I only need it when I fall off. As I mount the bike, I am vaguely aware the vinyl seat is slippery. I think no more about it.
They are standing in the garden waving to me as I set off. At the first roundabout, no more than 50 meters from their driveway, I steer left to enter it and the front wheel slides out from under me. I go down hard on my left elbow and I can feel a scraping pain on my forearm. It is exactly where I have a scar that I got in 1983, the day I bought my first bike.
As I hit the ground I can hear Mum scream. From 50 meters away, through the helmet, through the scraping, grinding sound, my mum screaming pierces everything.
I banged my elbow, I winded myself, cracked a rib and my bike slid at least 10 meters into the roundabout, but that scream was the worst part by far. It is a scream of profound horror. The kind of scream someone makes when they are seeing something that they have imagined a hundred times, but try not to think about.
By the time I got my bike up and back to the driveway, mum was crying and shaking, her face was red and wet, screwed up like a damp, used tissue.
She was sobbing and saying that she thought she was seeing me die. I know that she is afraid of the bike and has dreams of me coming off and being killed by a truck and so I promised to sell my motorbike. It wasn’t a half promise, like ‘I promise to mow the lawn’, it was a real promise, a binding promise that a person with integrity has to keep.
I’m OK with selling it. I’m a different person to the one who, aged 18 decided that Mum & Dad will just have to suck-it-up and deal with it because what I want is more important than the ice cold knife in their guts every time I ride.
I have had friends die since then. I have seen the train wrecks that are their families.
If I got mashed onto the road it would destroy my family. Their happy lives in their lovely home, the animals that they love and the peace that they have earned would be ruined forever and that outweighs the insignificant fun that I have on my motor bike.
Later that day I drove to Hobart … in Mum’s car.
At Campbell town I got pulled over and given a ticket  because it had run out of rego 3 days before.
When I got back to my flat, I immediately locked the door.

(24/09/10) - I Quit!!

Had a brain meltdown today and quit my job. Damn it felt good!
Unfortunately, by quitting early and due to unforseen mechanical issues, (gearbox is cactus, new one sent from UK @ 1,400 GBP. Add fitting, plus new clutch plate, transfer case and rear axle, I’m probably up for around $6,000), I will probably only have about $10,000 to see me around the big island. That is also assuming that dick-head Dave pays me the $2K he owes me for buying the Celica.
Still, fuck it, life is a crap-shoot (got to stop using gambling euphemisms) and identifying the things in life that aren't working and cutting them loose, regardless of the consequences, is nourishing to the spirit.
Enduring what you hate is the quickest way to an early death, (probably because you are secretly looking forward to it).

Life Sux!

I’ve hit a pothole.

Sitting for 10 hours a day in front of a screen waiting for a dealer to screw up:
“CONTROL TO GAMING SHIFT MANAGER, DEALER ON BJ02 PAID EVEN MONEY ON BLACKJACK -  BOX 2, $25 BET - KING & ACE, DEALER HAD 10 & 7 - CASINO OWES PATRON $12.50” ... then save the footage.

… and back to my unwholesome web, waiting, sitting, watching, logging stats on bets, etc. 10 hours repetition with little clumps of intense, highly scrutinised activity. If I get it wrong there are consequences, people must be held accountable. Surveillance people.

Of course, after 5 hours of nothing happening, just as I am about to go on my first 15 minute break, a gaming dispute happens, there will be a fire alarm, a physical removal of a drunken bloke with 30 mates, another gaming dispute and a $34,000 jackpot that must be verified.
They are all waiting, they all want an answer NOW and God help you if you get it wrong. When I get to go on my break, the canteen has stopped serving hot ‘food’ and there is only old salad … or mudcake.

So, after almost two years of this crap, I’ve decided that a nice little drive might be in order. 35,000km clockwise around the big island in a Land Rover, with a tent, a digital SLR camera and hopefully about $20,000 saved. I could be travelling in discomfort for up to a year. Sounds like heaven.

So I need to break out of this rut, a rut that is ruining my health.
Sitting staring at a screen for 10 hours is hard on the body.
I would love to go for a walk most days with my dog.

Whenever I get bogged down, I often do something outside of my experience, like teaching English in Thailand.
That was a reaction to being unemployed after uni. An Arts Degree was as useful as I expected it to be when I enrolled in 2003.
But a degree of ANY kind was the only criteria to do a TEFL course and get a job teachings ingliss good talkie-talk.

I have to quit this job soon. I'll keep you posted.